


5 Times Tony and Bucky Try to Get Married + 1 Time They Actually Succeeded

by bag_of_catZY (catZY)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13117023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catZY/pseuds/bag_of_catZY





	5 Times Tony and Bucky Try to Get Married + 1 Time They Actually Succeeded

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Feelingsinwinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feelingsinwinter/gifts).



ONE

 

Bucky couldn’t believe this was finally happening. The day he’d been waiting for since that first morning he woke up next to Tony and knew he had to put a ring on it. The marriage part was easy—the wedding, on the other hand…The wedding preparations had practically driven everyone spare.

Pepper had been on a continuous rampage to get everything, from the suits to the cake to the flowers to the venue and all the bits in between, absolutely perfect. Natasha had developed five new layers of paranoia in her quest to keep the wedding security sealed tight and to prevent paps from finding out the exact location. Thor had been gone off world for several months in search of the perfect wedding gift. Steve had been shut up in his room for hours at a time working and reworking his best man speech. Rhodey had presumably been doing the same on the other side of the world while on duty. Bruce had wished them good luck and fucked off to places unknown to avoid the stress, though he had returned yesterday as promised for the actual wedding. Clint had dealt with the stress by hiding in the vents for a solid month leading up to the wedding.

But that was all behind them now. Today was going to be perfect. The venue for the ceremony was the church Bucky and Steve used to go to as kids. The bouquet arrangements were, of course, red and gold—beautiful and lovely and bright. Bucky’s suit made him look like a million bucks. And given how Tony wore all of his suits, Bucky assumed Tony’s suit was going to make the man look like a billion bucks. Everything was perfect.

Famous last words.

Two hours later, the church had a giant new hole in the roof, the bouquets were scattered everywhere, and Bucky’s suit was ripped from fighting fucking Doombots. Bucky cursed Doom again under his breath as he made his way through the rubble and mayhem towards his not yet husband. Bucky had no idea how Doom had found out about the wedding, though perhaps having it held at a place with such obvious ties to his history was too hard to hide. Even so, attacking a wedding where more than half of the audience were superheroes or SHIELD agents was the dumbest fucking thing a supervillain could do.

Tony’s suit was probably still pristine underneath his armor but that really didn’t count for much. Bucky’s fiancé turned to him with a look of mingled frustration and exasperation.

As Bucky drew up closer, Tony said with a sigh, “I guess it was too much to hope that our first try would go off without a hitch, not with the kind of lives we lead.”

Before Bucky could give a commiserating answer, a voice piped up, “Without a hitch, ha, because you guys didn’t get hitched.”

Clint shrank under the combined force of their glares. “Too soon, huh? Sorry, you know I deal with stress by making bad puns.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re fine, feather butt. Though I will say that while we’re still standing in the wreckage of what was supposed to be the most perfect wedding ever is just a little too soon.”

Bucky said, “That’s okay, babe, that just means we’ll have to try again. You know I’d do this a thousand times if it meant I got to call you husband at the end of it.”

Clint pretended to gag.

While staring into each other’s eyes, Tony and Bucky both said “Shut up, Barton” at the same time. They’d almost gotten married today—they could be sappy if they wanted to.

 

TWO

 

A lot fewer people were at the Barnes and Stark Wedding Take Two because it had been rescheduled as soon as possible and not everyone could make it. Tony and Bucky had been impatient to get married. Plus, they figured that the less time they waited, the less time they were giving supervillains to prepare an attack. After setting their new date and announcing it to their close friends, Pepper had gotten an almost maniacal gleam in her eyes and whipped up her planning magic to make their dreams come true.

So now the wedding was at a chalet from Tony’s mother’s side hidden on the Swiss Alps. Everyone had to be helicoptered in. Tony had thought that the secret nature of this estate and also its general inaccessibility would make it next to impossible for a supervillain to launch an attack. What he didn’t account for were the attackers that didn’t rely on planning and weren’t hindered by the snow. Fucking snow monsters.

Take Two became an unmitigated disaster because of fucking yetis. They’d been almost overrun until Thor had called in a last minute assist from Heimdall.

 

THREE

 

Tony decided he had the right idea about inaccessibility with the Swiss chalet, he just hadn’t accounted for everything that might want access to their wedding. So, his new venue was one of the small, tropical islands that he owned. And of course, to all of his detractors that were shouting “Well, what about sea monsters?!”—Tony already had a plan for that, too. He had called in all the favors Fury owed him and got the Helicarrier to float in the air near the island on standby just in case sea monsters decided to attack. And worst case scenario, they could continue their wedding on the Helicarrier itself if need be. He thought his plan was foolproof.

Of course, Fate had a way of smacking egotistical bastards like Tony Fucking Stark in the face with a dose of crazy, improbable reality.

Tony had planned for sea monsters, but had not planned for the magnitude of what exactly that might entail. He had been worried about fish people, not the fucking Kraken of all things. When the Helicarrier had tried to rescue the wedding guests who could not fly and were therefore stuck on an island that was quickly turning into a watery grave, the Kraken grabbed the Helicarrier, tore it in two, and was only stopped by a speedy save from Namor.

So, not only did Tony not get married, for the third fucking time, but he also owed that one-eyed bastard a new Helicarrier.

 

FOUR

 

When Tony and Bucky were on the verge of just eloping, Thor volunteered his home realm for their wedding. Thor reasoned that Asgard was an exotic wedding location for most mortals and it had the added benefit of being one of the most secure places in the Nine Realms.

Tony and Bucky had shrugged and said _why not?_ At this point they were willing to try anything. And wasn’t it kind of fitting in a way that they, one of the unlikeliest and yet awesomest couples ever, were going to get married in _freaking outer space_? Plus, all the gold everywhere didn’t hurt. Tony’s only complaint was that there wasn’t enough gold. Though the Bifrost and all the other cool science kind of made up for it. Bucky just rolled his eyes fondly at his dork of an almost-husband.

On the day of, the sky was perpetually blue as it always was. Magical birds were singing lovely songs. Immortal flowers were in full bloom. The smell of a dozen different roasts were wafting from the kitchens. Their enemies were all a realm away.

Well, all of their Earth-bound enemies were all a realm away.

Enchantress was not.

She came in like a raging harpy, screaming about how if anyone was going to get married in the royal palace of Asgard, it would be her and Thor. Never mind that it wasn’t even Thor getting married on this day.

The wedding dissolved into chaos as Enchantress tried her usual trick of enchanting all of the men into doing her bidding. Unfortunately for her, half of the wedding party was female, and most of those women were superheroes. Not to mention, a number of the men weren’t into women, either. So, in short, Enchantress was defeated, but not without much of the palace being smashed and blasted to smithereens.

Thor apologized profusely for the ruined wedding, but Tony and Bucky couldn’t even be mad, given how pitiful he looked with his big sad puppy eyes and his palace in smoking ruins behind him.

Tony’s consolation prize was that the got his hands of the Bifrost schematics and Bucky’s was the entire roast wild Asgardian boar and barrel of mead that he got to take home. They still weren’t married, but at least the trip hadn’t been an entire waste.

 

FIVE

 

After a depressing afternoon spent drinking and griping about their numerous failed weddings, Tony, or maybe Bucky—they were too drunk to remember who—suggested just having their wedding in the Tower. There were plenty of defenses built in. It’d be comfortable and easy to plan, since most of the Avengers and friends lived there.

They decided to have the wedding the next day. After so many mishaps, they were growing impatient. Who cared about the pomp and ceremony? They just needed to get fucking married! Pepper had almost strangled them for giving her such short notice, but she was ever the responsible one, and took on the challenge heads on, all the while muttering _it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine_ under her breath. The two groomsmen had steered clear and decided to let her do her magic in peace.

On the day of, most of their guests showed up in their superhero costumes rather than suits and evening gowns. Looks like they’d learned their lessons after having to fight off enemies in loafers and heels.

The minister, Bob, from Bucky’s church—who honestly was a champ for having agreed to act as minister in every single of their high-risk weddings—had gotten halfway through the vows before Hydra had shown up. In a true act of determination and bravery, he had tried to speed up and continue going, even while the fighting started. Unfortunately, he got clipped by a bullet and went down. Thankfully, it was just a superficial wound and Bob would live to see another day and get to tell a wild story about his scar.

Tony and Bucky, and honestly, the rest of their guests, too, were pummeling the Hydra goons with all of their pent of frustration and rage at having been stymied once more.

Tony punched a Hydra agent in a knock off mecha suit straight across the room and through the windows, and then followed him out the now smashed window to continue punching him in free fall, all the while screaming through the comms, “FUCK HYDRA! FUCK WEDDINGS! FUCK EVERYTHING! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW! WE’RE GOING TO A COURT AND GETTING MARRIED RIGHT AFTER THIS!”

Bucky replied in his coldest Winter Soldier voice, “Ditto.”

 

AND PLUS ONE

 

The fight with Hydra continued into the streets.

Clint suddenly piped up with, “Hey, Steve, didn’t you get a minister license for that Make A Wish kid who wanted to see his parents get married by Captain America?”

There was sudden silence through the comms before Bucky breathed, “Clint, you’re a genius.”

Steve said, alarmed, “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?”

Tony replied, “If you think Bucky’s saying, marry us right now, then yes.”

“It’s been too long, I don’t want to mess it up. And besides, this is hardly the venue.” Steve grunted, as he slammed the shield at a guy in a mecha.

“We’ve already had five weddings get fucked up. Five! And you’ve got a photographic memory, anyway, punk, so don’t bullshit me.”

“Alright, then.” And everyone within sight of Steve could see him puff up a bit, as if imbued with divine purpose. “Do we have official witnesses?”

Sam called out, “I’ll be a witness, can’t let my best friend’s best friend down.”

Natasha followed, “Stark’s grown on me. Like pink mold. I’ll be a witness, too.”

Steve’s strong voice rang out, “Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends,”—punch—“we are gathered here today to”—smash—“witness and celebrate the joining of James Buchanan Barnes and”—grunt—“Anthony Edward Stark in marriage.”—glass breaking—“With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as husband and husband.”

 


End file.
